Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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