I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
