Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
