you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
