After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
