so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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