Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
