she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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