im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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