omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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