I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
