smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
