The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
