My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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