my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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