She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
