bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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