And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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