I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
