Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think people are normalizing furries
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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