It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
