I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
