hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
