she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
