i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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