every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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