When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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