I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
