Plan B is the new Plan A
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
