He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
