Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He passed out mid-signature
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
