It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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