mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
