Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
