Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
