remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
