I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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