I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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