YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
