I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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