So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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