Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
