Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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