think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
