he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
