One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
