drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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