Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
