last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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