Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
