If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
