Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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