You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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