I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
