he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
