This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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