We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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