i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
