Dude my mom stole all your condoms
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
