Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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