You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
