the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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