we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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