I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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