they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
