You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
