If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
