We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
