Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
