Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
