hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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