i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
