I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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