Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
