Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
