the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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