problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
