Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
