hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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