I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
