As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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